Where is God in my hardship? Reflection by Harmony LaJeunesse '22
A question I often ask myself is “Where is God in my hardship?” This question often leads me to more questions like, “Does God ordain suffering and pain?... Or is hardship a result of the brokenness of our world?... Can it be that suffering is a result of sin but God uses our suffering to draw us closer to Him?”
At our Easter week Vintage Lunch a few weeks ago I was struck by the idea that God grew the very tree on which Jesus was crucified.
God knew that that tree would bear the burden of his one and only son’s death yet he allowed that tree to grow. He knew full-well what would happen but he still orchestrated it. This made me grapple with the reality that it was always in God’s plan for Christ to suffer. But that suffering was holy. It was necessary. It was good. I’d never before considered how suffering could be good. God allowed that tree to grow because even though he knew it would bring suffering, that suffering was necessary to achieve His greater purpose of redemption.
Sometimes I feel like that tree. I wonder, why is God allowing painful things to happen to me? While I’m still trying to wrestle with this thought, what I’ve learned so far is that God allows me to endure hardship, not because he wants me to endure pain, but because it is a crucial element of His redemptive story for my life.
A verse I have clung to recently is Psalm 37:23 - 24.
“A person’s steps are established by the Lord, and takes pleasure in his way. Though he falls, he will not be overwhelmed, because the Lord supports him with his hand.”
The phrasing “though he falls” is oddly comforting for it implies that it is inevitable that we will fall. We will all fall, no matter how strong we think we are. This psalm validates our hardship and suffering; it confirms that our faith does not rid us of pain on their earth. It validates our sorrow and lament and encourages us to view it as an opportunity to lean on God even MORE for dependence on him. It is an opportunity to focus more fully on Him and not on our circumstances.
“Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pastures. Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” (Psalm 37: 3-4)
To dwell. What does that mean? I think it means to rest. To let go. To just be.
Suffering is an opportunity to dwell in Him. Not in his blessings nor his gifts, just Him. In His character that stays the same no matter what I’m feeling, experiencing, doubting, processing, or fearing. His goodness is not shaken even when I am.
I am learning to dwell; to not run away from Jesus in my sorrow, questions, and confusion but rather cling to Him for He knows suffering more than anyone else and he is gentle and lowly (Matthew 11:29). I am learning to trust that God knows what I need more than I ever will.
I am learning to float.
To lay there, with my face towards the clouds, in awe of God’s beauty and goodness, with palms open wide to His plan, allowing myself to drift and sway into whatever is in store for me because no matter what comes my way, Jesus is right there by my side, holding my hand.