Longings & Love | Horizons Fellows Lilly Long '24

In the spirit of the approaching Christmas season, I recently watched one of my favorite holiday movies, Love Actually. One of the opening lines is a pop star who is re-recording one of his top hits into a Christmas song, and he does so by changing the word “love” to “Christmas.” The song goes: I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes, *love* is all around us, come on and let it show. However, every time he sings, he forgets to change the wording and ends up re- recording the song multiple times before he gets it right. This scene demonstrates the power that love has on our society, sometimes becoming so second-nature that it is hard to put a different word in its place.

In discussions about finding our calling as a Horizons Fellow, one of my biggest take aways was the difference between love, desire, and longing. From Chris Yates, we learned how desire prioritizes self- creation and a performance aesthetic, which can drive us to find our identities in earthly achievements. Longing, on the other hand, is a storied aesthetic that is not grounded in immediate satisfaction or success.

Defining the difference between these two terms helped me to realize how quick I am to equate my life with what I have accomplished – a certain exam score, a well-practiced presentation, a lower 5K time. Falling in love with desires is dangerous because they will never be enough. Longing takes a step back and considers what is being loved – do I love the act of running a 5K or the sense of control it instills in me? In my mind, a longing bears much resemblance to a good moral habit, where the focus is less on the act itself and more on the root of intent. Christianity is a unique religion in honestly acknowledging the darkness, but never without bringing in the light. Christianity does not ignore the sin, hatred, and violence in the world, but rather pairs it with the hope and goodness that is to come. I like to think that longing and good moral habits are the same, looking toward the greater hope and goodness that surrounds it rather than the act itself.

At the root of it all sits love. At the temptations of desire, love can steer us into earthly kingdoms of success and control, but at the basis of longing, love can re-orient us in the right direction to our commitment in finding our calling. As the Christmas season continues and fourth year makes its way, I love the constant reminder that this is a journey. Yes, there are roadblocks and obstacles and dark patches, but there are also flowery meadows and chirping birds and friends along the way. Despite the stress of figuring out what the future holds, our walk in faith with God has no deadlines. Instead, I pray that every day I will take one step further in the direction of where I’m meant to be. Love is found in this journey and our eternal longing to stay on His path.