Legitimate Longings on the Road to “Adulthood” | By Temi Akinola '20
As a child, I can remember listening to the sounds of a zealous Nigerian pastor while she or he would fervently proclaim behind the podium, “to live is CHRIST and to DIE is gain”. This would usually be followed by something along the lines of “If you’re not ready to suffer for the Lord, you are simply not doing it right” or better yet, “we did NOT come here to have fun, we came here to do the work of the Jesus Christ!”
As I grew older and later developed a personal relationship with the Lord, I began to realize that phrases such as these became embedded in my outlook towards obedience and vocational calling. In my view, God not only favored the stoic suffering of those who made noble sacrifices, but he also placed a hierarchy on the kinds of work that we do. In Nigerian and other west African households, there is a common joke amongst children that we each have three career options: either being a doctor, a lawyer, or an engineer. Why these three, you might ask? These three not only guaranteed the most “stability,” but they also ensured that we’d make the best use of our resources without playing around with our God-given talents. As my dad would often say, “it’s not about what you want, it’s about what is best”. So, in the same way that those late-night prayer services were not about having fun, or about whether I wanted to be there, I envisioned that my calling was less about my joy and more about effect. God had called me to take the road less traveled by and for that reason, I was not allowed to choose what I loved but instead I was required to do whatever would leave the most profound impact.
Last fall, during a “fellows” retreat, a group discussion leader pulled out a picture of what he termed the “Discernment Daisy”. In the top left corner of the photo, there was a Sun that contained the description “Presence of God-without which nothing grows” written directly in the center. Beneath this sun, there was a six-petalled flower each of which represented a specific element in our life that could help us decipher what comes next.
One of these petals stated “desire”. In James K.A Smith’s You are What You Love he writes “Jesus is a teacher who doesn’t just inform our intellect but forms our very loves”. He then goes on to say “what if you are defined not by what you know but by what you desire”. For me, this statement was revolutionary. I realized that what I want will become what is best, when I allow my longings to be fashioned by the Lord. These words reminded me, that in the presence of God, my desires are His. My loves, my cares, my passion, my calling are all His. Whether those desires include sitting still and enjoying a cup of hot green tea while I listen to my friend talk about her post-grad struggles, traveling to a country outside of the western hemisphere, being the future president (LOL), going to grad school, HAVING FUN or ALL of those things- at once. They are all legitimate desires, and they don’t exist in spite of God’s calling, nor should they be ranked as more legitimate or more noble simply because one involves a more standard conception of sacrifice or “getting down to business”. They exist, and for that reason, they are all together blessed.